Sunday, June 28, 2009

On the Up Side...

I did however, get the coolest piece of mail to ever traverse the USPS yesterday. Who needs regular postcards?

B, you are my hero.

Doggy Racism

I didn't think they would do it, but they did. They took away my pretty sweet Zuri and got a new dog.
No, that's not true. They went out and got a new dog before they even got rid of Zuri. So she had to watch them play with it while knowing that they didn't love her anymore. You may say that dogs don't have feelings, but that's just because you didn't see the look on her poor puppy face. Apparently it's an offensive face, since my mom hates dogs with brown noses. Doggy racism.

They replaced her with this evil little thing. Look, look at how it attacks me.
Poor Zuri is going to live in a cage till she dies, because no one else sees how pretty she is.

Saturday, June 27, 2009

Joey's Gems

So, everyday I come closer and closer to stalking Joey Comeau. Well, cyberstalking, since I live far away in Ohio.

So, here is my Joey's Gem of Wisdom for the day:

' When summer starts, there are suddenly an awful lot of very pretty people dressed in summer clothes, which are sexy in a different way from winter clothes. And I find myself swinging wildly back and forth between thinking, "Calm down, Joey. These are real people, who should be treated with respect. I wonder what she thinks of that book she's reading?" and half a second later thinking, "I want to spend the rest of my life just kissing that one spot on her neck oh god oh god." '

I like to pretend Joey is talking about me.

Friday, June 26, 2009

Did I mention I love orange?

I think June in Ohio is one of my favorite times.

Of course I'm making a generalization for all of Ohio, but around where I live (and consequently drive back and forth all over for work) Wild Day Lilies grown in the ditches on the side of every road. And they grow A LOT.

Nothing is better than driving with the windows down on empty back roads full of beautiful flowers. Except maybe getting paid over the IRS suggested mileage for it!

Sunday, June 21, 2009

Thursday, June 18, 2009


It's too much effort to write an angry and emo blog post.

I must be some sort of really horrible person since no one can stand to be around me.


Friday, June 12, 2009

That was almost 5 years ago

In honor of Matt's impromptu trip to Japan, I give you my top three memories of my first taste of Asia:

1. My awesome new friend Deno.
I'd make lovey kissy noises, but there's a chance he might actually read my blog someday and feel inclined to hurt me with all of his military knowledge.

2. The 'tame' deer that attacked me.
For a lousy bag of cinnamon Teddy Grahams too. I had about 2 seconds left to live when this pic was taken. I've got a cool back scar thing now though.
3. Spicy, delicious rice crackers.
Oh man, those things were soooo good. I hate that you can't get them here without buying a whole mixed pack. Hint.... Hint... hint...

I smell Bacon!

Man, I thought I was a bacon-lovin' freak... Till I ran across this awesome tattoo (why it came up under a google image search for tree tattoos, I'll never know), and subsequently this awesome website:

Thursday, June 11, 2009

I like to look at random tattoos at work, what with the internet here being so very superior to that at home.

This is by far the best one today:

Saturday, June 6, 2009

Why I hate Athens...

I drove to Athens yesterday to pick up my sisters couch. 6 hours... lost forever.

While I was there, I was struck by how much I reallllllly hate the stupid people there.

The hippies, ringing their cow bells in my face while I'm trying to eat my delicious Fabulous Frank's bagel... Trust me you morons, handing out fliers you made on your dorm PC, which was plugged into the same outlet as your mini fridge, hair straightener and illegal hotplate (because you have to have something to brew your all organic tea on) and printed on unrecycled, bleached paper is not a good way to convince me to sign your anti-power plant petition. Learn to support what you are preaching or no one will take you seriously. I live between two power plants... Coal is the only thing keeping me alive. At this point the only nutrition my body is getting is what it breathes in. Yum, vitamins and minerals. And I hate to be the one to tell you that alllll of the clothing you bought proudly at that cute store uptown was made by underage Indonesian children who are also living on a diet of coal fumes.

And the hipsters. Oooo the hipsters. Listen, dude, if you are in fact a dude, I can't tell... perhaps you should eat something, I know you love your girlfriend, and I know you want to show the world you're unique, but please detach yourself from her, and give her back her pants, you look like an idiot. And while you're at it, return those cowboy boots to the overpriced thrift store you got them from, its 95 degrees outside and I there's not one damn cow insight. You don't need that kind of support walking home from the bars, get some flip flops. And you, aforementioned girlfriend. Just because you cut your hair yourself with a steak knife and you have on retro shoes does not make you cool enough to not look up when someone asks if they can share your bench. Clearly you share you boyfriend's inability to dress yourself, since as I mentioned it is 95 degrees out and you have on a long sleeve dress, tights and a scarf. You should eat something too. 'Specially since you're sitting in the picnic area! Look the hippies have tofu over there, go get some.

And the stupid parents. No, it is not acceptable to bring an full sized U-haul to Athens and then park it in the middle of a high traffic street. Plan ahead. Ask your kids how busy their street is. When they shrug and don't answer tell them tough crap, they can bring their own stuff home. No really tho, enjoy the drive out, take them out to dinner, go the park, then comeback and load up after 9PM, you can drive home in the morning. Hampton Inn has free breakfast, it's lovely. Do not bring your dog and tie it to a parking meter for more than 2 hours. Do not bring your younger children and expect them to help. Just because they are under 10 does not mean I won't hit them with my car when they jump out in front of me.

An my sister. Learn to be responsible for yourself. When someone does something nice for you on their day off it is normally a good idea to make sure they make it out of their parking space without hitting someone else car with your couch before you scurry back into your room to watch TV.

Thursday, June 4, 2009


How to Destroy a Family Heirloom

Step 1: Sneak Ugly Chair out of house and place on fire.
Step 2: Poke Ugly Chair with stick.

Step 3: Create Burning Ring of Fire out of ugly chair.

Step 4: Watch Ugly Chair burn until bored.

Step 5: Abandon Ugly Chair to descending darkness while you watch TV instead.

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

OMG! It was me!
I am a horrible, horrible person.

Monday, June 1, 2009

Laura's First Ever Wine Review

Look. I hate wine. I really do. I think most of it is gross, and only some of it is palatable. Seriously. Ew.

My family drinks a lot of wine (and not in the 'classy' sense of the word.... in the 'if it only costs 5$ then you can afford 4 more bottles than you would normally get' sense or the word). So it's no surprise that we ran out at dinner on Saturday, and being the conscientious and giving offspring that I am, I popped across the street to get more (because yes, the Kroger was next door.)

I buy wine because it looks cool. Period. If it ain't awesomely packaged, it ain't coming home with me. And this wine.... This wine matched my dress perfectly. Cased closed, it came back with me. I can accessorize with the best of them!

But behold! Pacific Rim Sweet Riesling! Now, I can't exactly vouch that it has "subtle hints of stone fruits and spice on the nose," or that it is "an enticing fruit bomb with a chew, layered texture." Seriously who says shit like that? Idiots. But it was yummy AND pretty AND cheap enough to find at the Heath Kroger (Don't know what that entails? Look up Heath, Ohio, then you'll understand).

I give it Laura's very first 4 out of 5:
A 5 out of 5 for awesome label,
and a 3 out of 5 for tastiness!


I noticed that I've forgotten to tell you where I've taken my last round of blog pictures, so if for some reason you were curious, I went back through and edited them all so they now say. Sorry.