Saturday, June 6, 2009

Why I hate Athens...

I drove to Athens yesterday to pick up my sisters couch. 6 hours... lost forever.


While I was there, I was struck by how much I reallllllly hate the stupid people there.


The hippies, ringing their cow bells in my face while I'm trying to eat my delicious Fabulous Frank's bagel... Trust me you morons, handing out fliers you made on your dorm PC, which was plugged into the same outlet as your mini fridge, hair straightener and illegal hotplate (because you have to have something to brew your all organic tea on) and printed on unrecycled, bleached paper is not a good way to convince me to sign your anti-power plant petition. Learn to support what you are preaching or no one will take you seriously. I live between two power plants... Coal is the only thing keeping me alive. At this point the only nutrition my body is getting is what it breathes in. Yum, vitamins and minerals. And I hate to be the one to tell you that alllll of the clothing you bought proudly at that cute store uptown was made by underage Indonesian children who are also living on a diet of coal fumes.

And the hipsters. Oooo the hipsters. Listen, dude, if you are in fact a dude, I can't tell... perhaps you should eat something, I know you love your girlfriend, and I know you want to show the world you're unique, but please detach yourself from her, and give her back her pants, you look like an idiot. And while you're at it, return those cowboy boots to the overpriced thrift store you got them from, its 95 degrees outside and I there's not one damn cow insight. You don't need that kind of support walking home from the bars, get some flip flops. And you, aforementioned girlfriend. Just because you cut your hair yourself with a steak knife and you have on retro shoes does not make you cool enough to not look up when someone asks if they can share your bench. Clearly you share you boyfriend's inability to dress yourself, since as I mentioned it is 95 degrees out and you have on a long sleeve dress, tights and a scarf. You should eat something too. 'Specially since you're sitting in the picnic area! Look the hippies have tofu over there, go get some.

And the stupid parents. No, it is not acceptable to bring an full sized U-haul to Athens and then park it in the middle of a high traffic street. Plan ahead. Ask your kids how busy their street is. When they shrug and don't answer tell them tough crap, they can bring their own stuff home. No really tho, enjoy the drive out, take them out to dinner, go the park, then comeback and load up after 9PM, you can drive home in the morning. Hampton Inn has free breakfast, it's lovely. Do not bring your dog and tie it to a parking meter for more than 2 hours. Do not bring your younger children and expect them to help. Just because they are under 10 does not mean I won't hit them with my car when they jump out in front of me.

An my sister. Learn to be responsible for yourself. When someone does something nice for you on their day off it is normally a good idea to make sure they make it out of their parking space without hitting someone else car with your couch before you scurry back into your room to watch TV.

4 comments:

Kat said...

Preach it.

Laura said...

That really was more bitter than I was going for, but I swear, I was going to kill someone and I was only there for about half an hour.

Eclecticbookwrm said...

Sometimes more bitter helps on reflection, though. I always feel better after serious venting, and at least yours has valid points. Hipsters should eat more.

Thomas said...

haha I love it. How did I miss this rant before?