Yeah, screw politically correct phraseology. These books are dumb and they piss me off.
It all started with The Dangerous Book for Boys:
Which was quickly followed by The Daring Book for Girls (someone must have complained, or perhaps they just realized they were missing out on half of the population that influenced the parental buyers):
Until this morning when I came across The Boys' book of Survival: how to survive anything, anywhere. AWESOME! Right up my alley!
Well, these books usually come in gender pairs, so I skipped forward a few hundred Dewey's to find what sort of feminine counterpart a book that awesome could have. THIS IS WHAT I FOUND!!!
- A tornado? Turn to page 16.
- A duel? Find out on page 23
- A shark attack? Flip to page 30
- An avalanche? Turn to page 60
- In bear country? Find out on page 62
- An essay crisis? Flip to page 97
- Your teachers? Turn to page 125
Plus tons of other amazing survival skills! With easy-to-follow directions and helpful Illustrations, you'll have the skills you need to get through even the toughest day!
Now, when you compare that to The Girls' book of Glamour, you can see why my feminist ideals are all bent out of shape. And trust me, that's hard to do, because I have no feminist ideals!
Be confident. Be glamours. Be gorgeous... be the goddess you were born to be! Ever wonder how to:
- Put on a fashion show? Flip to page 16.
- Do a perfect pirouette? Flip to page 34
- Give yourself a mini facial? Turn to page 45
- Get the hair you really want? Find out on page 68.
- Host a spa party? Flip to page 73
- Write your first autobiography? Turn to page 108.
Plus more that ninety other fabulous things you need to know! With easy-to-follow directions and helpful instructions, it won't be long before you're a true goddess. After all, every girl deserves a life of glamour!
WRONG BITCHES! EVERY GIRL DESERVES TO KNOW HOW TO SURVIVE A SHARK ATTACK FIRST!