Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Reason #87 I'm Glad I still have my job:

My favorite kid is in kindergarten now, so he isn't coming to story time anymore.

But he did come to my Swashbuckler's Academy program a few weeks ago (You know, for International Talk Like a Pirate Day!)

We had a great time. I told them my best pirate jokes:

"What's a pirates favorite body part?"
        "His arrrrrrrrrm!"
"How does a pirate get to work?"
        "In his carrrrrrrrrr!"
"What branch of the military does a pirate join"
        They say "The arrrrrrrrrmy!" and I say "No! The navy!"

And then I made the mistake of asking if anyone else knew a pirate joke.

This is what I get. From a six year old.

"A pirate walks into a bar
The bartender said 'Hey, what are you doing with that steering wheel on your nuts?'
The pirate said 'It be driving me nuts'"

I looked it up, it was supposed to go something like this:

"A pirate walks into a bar.
The bartender says 'Hey, do you know you have a steering wheel attached to the front of your pantaloons?'
The pirate says 'Yarrr..... it's driving me nuts.'"

The other kids and their parents stared on in gap mouthed amazement...

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Five Internet Terrors That SHOULD be Censored

Happy Banned Books Week Day 3! To celebrate, here is a list of things I would censor if there were no first amendment.

5. Bad quizzes Face book or otherwise.
        I assure you I am in no way related to Paris Hilton, regardless of what my favorite number and hair color apparently implies.

4. Abusing the pride of your pets.
      Bella would eat my face off if I even tried that.

3. Twilight sex toys Highly inappropriate kiddies, so don't check that one at work! 
      Sometimes I wonder about twilight fans... gross.

2. Wasting my time with your uselessness. 
      Yeah, you heard me. I think it's lame.

1. Joe Jonas in a unitard. Pretending to be Beyonce.
         Everyone knows Justin Timberlake looks way better in that unitard. Or heck skip the unitard and wear your pads like the boys on Glee.

Know something that deserves to be banned? Let me know!

Top ten most far fetched reasons to ban a book.

  1. “Encourages children to break dishes so they won’t have to dry them.” (A Light in the Attic, by Shel Silverstien)
  2. “It caused a wave of rapes.” (Arabian Nights, or Thousand and One Nights, anonymous)
  3. “If there is a possibility that something might be controversial, then why not eliminate it?” (Bury My Heart at Wounded Knee, by Dee Brown)
  4. “Tarzan was ‘living in sin’ with Jane.” (Tarzan, by Edgar Rice Burroughs)
  5. “It is a real ‘downer.’” (Diary of Anne Frank, by Anne Frank)
  6. “The basket carried by Little Red Riding Hood contained a bottle of wine, which condones the use of alcohol.” (Little Red Riding Hood, by Jacob Grimm and Wilhelm K. Grimm)
  7. “One bunny is white and the other is black and this ‘brainwashes’ readers into accepting miscegenation.” (The Rabbit’s Wedding, by Garth Williams)
  8. “It is a religious book and public funds should not be used to purchase religious books.” (Evangelical Commentary on the Bible, by Walter A. Elwell, ed.)
  9. “A female dog is called a bitch.” (My Friend Flicka, by Mary O’Hara)
  10. “An unofficial version of the story of Noah’s Ark will confuse children.” (Many Waters, by Madeleine C. L’Engle)
From the ALA Banned Books Week website, originally from David Letterman.

Fantasy Forest of Doom:

Complete with killer mushrooms.
follow his second link to learn what this is!

Monday, September 28, 2009

Sure it looks peaceful...

Till they attack.

Banned Books Week Proclamation

WHEREAS, the freedom to read is essential to our democracy, and reading is among our greatest freedoms; and

WHEREAS, privacy is essential to the exercise of that freedom, and the right to privacy is the right to open inquiry without having the subject of one's interest examined or scrutinized by others; and

WHEREAS, the freedom to read is protected by our Constitution; and

WHEREAS some individuals, groups, and public authorities work to remove or limit access to reading materials, to censor content in schools, to label "controversial" views, to distribute lists of "objectionable" books or authors, and to purge libraries of materials reflecting the diversity of society; and

WHEREAS, both governmental intimidation and the fear of censorship cause authors who seek to avoid controversy to practice self-censorship, thus limiting our access to new ideas; and

WHEREAS, every silencing of a heresy, every enforcement of an orthodoxy, diminishes the toughness and resilience of American society and leaves it less able to deal with controversy and difference; and

WHEREAS, Americans still favor free enterprise in ideas and expression, and can be trusted to exercise critical judgment, to recognize propaganda and misinformation, and to make their own decisions about what they read and believe, and to exercise the responsibilities that accompany this freedom; and

WHEREAS, intellectual freedom is essential to the preservation of a free society and a creative culture; and

WHEREAS, conformity limits the range and variety of inquiry and expression on which our democracy and our culture depend; and

WHEREAS, the American Library Association's Banned Books Week: Celebrating the Freedom to Read is observed during the last week of September each year as a reminder to Americans not to take their precious freedom for granted; and

WHEREAS, Banned Books Week celebrates the freedom to choose or the freedom to express one's opinion even if that opinion might be considered unorthodox or unpopular and stresses the importance of ensuring the availability of those unorthodox or unpopular viewpoints to all who wish to read them; now, therefore, be it

RESOLVED, that I, Laura Settle celebrate the American Library Association's Banned Books Week, the twenty-sixth of September through the third of October 2009, and be it further

RESOLVED, that I, Laura Settle encourage all libraries and bookstores to acquire and make available materials representative of all the people in our society; and be it further

RESOLVED, that I, Laura Settle encourage free people to read freely, now and forever.

Adopted by Laura Settle, Youth Services Specialist, New Richmond Branch Library
September 27, 2009
New Richmond, Ohio

Sunday, September 27, 2009

I give you an editing story:

First you take a picture. It turns out gross.

So you try your best to fix it digitally....

This doesn't work, so you zap out the color, channel Ansel Adams and pretend you meant for it to look that way the whole time.

The end.

Saturday, September 26, 2009

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

A link to the blog of the phtographer who took the pictures of my friend Kelli's wedding.... Well my friend of a friend Kelli... whatevs

Note that she has not one, not two but THREE dresses.

I am not a stalker.

Monday, September 21, 2009

Ok, maybe one more, since I just found it.

Summer Palace, Beijing, China
September 2004

Sunday, September 20, 2009

Creativity free since '03

I couldn't tell you where my camera is if I tried.
I have no creativity left. My brain is a dried up husk. (Actually that's a lie... I spent like 3 hours in Michael's today coordinating stamp pads with candles. My brain is on fire, just not to take pictures.)
It didn't used to be this way. There are tons of pictures from my travels abroad that I never bothered to really look at, let alone SEE for the great pictures they are. These three are five years old and I just got around to editing them tonight. All three are from a flavela outside Salvador Brazil, November 2004.

You have to look hard to find this little guy, he was watching the other kids show off their Capoeira skills.

(Did you like the plug for my new blog theme? I will be celebrating emo in all its form by posting the best of whiny statuses, blogs, comments and anything else I can get my hands on! The opening to this was très emo!)

Don't Ban Books, Ban Bad Websites!

Top 5 things I've seen on the internet this summer that aren't censored but should be:

5. My brother... telling me in a round about way how much more money he makes than me.

4. Kitty wigs... Creepy

3. Twitter... Sorry, I don't like ANYONE enough to 'follow' them

2.  Twilight sex toys, so don't open this one at work kids!

1. Joe Jonas in a unitard. Pretending to be Beyonce.

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Time's a'wastin'

Maybe its the weather, but I've been thinking time..... well about time. You know what I mean....
Time has been going so fast.
Where were you a year ago today?
I was in the aftermath of Hurricane.... well the only hurricane to ever hit Ohio.
Those 10 days without power are the some of the very best I can remember. I got paid even though I couldn't work. I ate delicious fire roasted meats for every meal. I showered outside under the sun. I had a whole house to myself to (well, not to myself, but I'm not complaining about my company).
Where were you two years ago today?
I got a great early birthday present!
Bella was the cutest kitten ever. And, while I can't convince Robert to take her back now, I don't honestly mean it every time I ask him.
Where were you five years ago today?
I was spending my last day in Japan.
Nuff said.
Time is just passing me by. Joey said it best in his blog:
"It's too late for the government to train me to be a weapon. For someone to approach me on the street, and to tell me I match a certain profile. I probably won't even learn another language well enough to speak it fluently. Giant crazed attack dogs won't ever suddenly act like scared puppies when they see me. I won't ever be a grandmaster of chess, either. I don't think at this stage I can even reasonably expect to make Expert. There are some things I regret as I get older, I guess. There are a ton of traditional ways to be bad-ass, and I missed the boat. But that's okay. It just means I have to be more creative. And then later that creativity will make people think I was an evil genius, instead of just so desperate for a world with monsters that I didn't mind becoming one myself. What I'm saying is - I stole an ice cream cone yesterday from the 7-11 and I have no regrets at all."

Thursday, September 10, 2009

ROYAL Book Review

I got my first batch of ROYAL review books!
I get awesome free books, and all I have to do is review them for the publishers! Some of them I already had on hold for myself! Of course, since the library paid for my membership I guess I'm suppose to donate them to the system... supposedly....

Geektastic: Stories from the Nerd Herd
edited by Holly Black and Cecil Castellucci

Because, yes, being a nerd rocks. And not just because I'm in love with the character Chuck from NBC's Chuck, who happens to work in the 'Nerd Herd.'

It is time to embrace our inner awesome, so check out this sweet Venn diagram to figure out where your awesome lives.

The Warriors: Power of Three #6- Sunrise
by Erin Hunter

I've never read any of the Warrior books, they always freaked me out a little bit, but now is as good a time as any to start. I hate starting in the middle of series...

Which is a problem with my next book as well..
Vampire Kisses #6- Royal Blood
by Ellen Schreiber

Apparently not to be confused with The Vampire Diaries (I got my stack of books and proceeded to run around excite because I get to read the book they made that horrible CW show about... You know the one where they have a 27 year old playing a high school student?)
Anyway, I can't read books in series out of order, its an OCD-type problem I have, so I ordered the first 5 books in the series.

The Reformed Vampire Support Group
by Catherine Jinks

I don't know what else to say about this book, other than I'm excited that maybe it might about angsty teens getting over their obsession with the vamp life and moving on. Mind you, I'm not holding my breath on the matter, but you never know.

The Diamond Secret
by Suzanne Weyn

Jessica loves the "Once Upon a Time" series. I was supposed to read their Beauty and the Beast but never got around to it (don't tell her!). This one appear to be about Anastasia... Which is not a fairy tale... It's an urban legend. Sooo, I'm a little up in the air about it. I love the retelling of stories, but this might be a bit much.

Saturday, September 5, 2009


I don't care what anyone says, it was been a great summer weather-wise....

Roxie is a fierce hunter... she killed that poor baby chipmonk and then carried it around all day.

Goodbye Zeke!

He might not have a real name yet, but I predict he'll be back within the month!

He still can't quite move those back legs right, but he's wayyyy better than Charlie.

This is my favorite. Check out that tongue.

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Since I'm Already a Cat Lady...

Here is the 5000th picture from my new camera...