Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Dear Rescue Angels, Inc.

Thank you for the good work that you are doing saving animals from kill shelters and finding them good homes.

That being said, you are the most ridiculous outfit I have ever encountered. I understand that you have a vigorous review process that must be completed before you release your pets, less they end up being eaten or used as dog bait or turned into kitty skin hats. However, if you have a policy against adopting to people who do not own their own homes, you should perhaps mention that on A. Petfinder, where you list them, B. your shitty website where you beg us to take not one but two, C. your application, where you make us give you our dna and prison records or D. when you arrange meet with people in person.

I do not appreciate you telling me to fill out an application in advance so that I can get a pet at one of your adopt-a-thons, only to arrive and have to wait a HOUR while you try to convince another family to take the kitten I was there to see. And another HOUR while you give me funny looks.

Yes, I live in an apartment. No, I don't plan on owning a house any time soon. No, that does not mean I would ever give up my pets if I move. It's not horribly hard to find a place that allows pets. I thought your policy was indoor pets only. House have back yards. No, I don't have a boyfriend, thank you for asking. What? Why would I get rid of my cats because my boyfriend doesn't like them? Do I look like that sort of a person? What if he's allergic? More allergic than I already am? Lady, do you want to see my hives? Does my mother know I'm getting a cat? No, she doesn't, thank you for asking. I'm 26 years old, and Beth here is the one actually BUYING the thing. Beth? Yes she has cats. I'm sorry cat singular. Yes, Juliet had an accident. It was tragic and we all cried a lot. Perhaps you should wipe that look of derision off of your face. Yes, I noticed your cats are baby-fied, please stop waving them in my face if you don't intend to give me one. While you were waving it around I couldn't help but notice it's obvious manliness. Didn't you make a rather big deal of promoting the fact that your animals all come fixed, thus saving the time and hassle of doing it ourselves?.  What's that? Yes, my apartment is cat ready, it already has a freaking cat in it!!!!

Thank you for the time you clearly did not spend considering my application, but I will be going up the Animal Friend's Humane Society, where they actually want their animals to go to loving homes. Good luck succeeding in helping the homeless animal population. I hear it's hard when you refuse to give them to a good home.

Laura, Bella and Chuck

Bella is pissed you didn't give her someone to love.


Thomas said...

wow, just further goes to support my theory that cats suck

Laura said...

you are strange. that's what you got from that?


Deno said...

HA! All the open letters I ever read anymore are so serious, it was nice to read some humor.

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