Friday, February 26, 2010

Five Year Itch

The last time I went on a vacation for fun was in the summer of 2005, in a last ditch attempt to make foreign travel worthwhile. And by vacation I mean leaving the tri-state area and/or staying somewhere that isn't one of my homes. I know most of you don't seem to think that weekend trips don't count but they realllllly do. A lot.

My mom seems to think that all of my studying abroad was 'vacation' and while she does have a point, it was scenic and awesome, there is also a lot of stress involved when trying to learn while in foreign areas. It doesn't leave one feeling refreshed and renewed as much as hurried and tense.

I'm not by nature a good traveler. Ask anyone who's been forced to try and make travel plans with me. It does not go well. I get really stressed out in places that are new to me. Poor Kat had to haul my ass out of Croatia in a state of almost panic that translates itself as silent staring and inability to decide anything. And let's not even go into the Brazil debockle. Bad news.

But I love it. I love seeing new places, tasting new foods, learning new things. I love airplane food. I just get a little worked up when I don't know where I'm sleeping that night, or where to find a bathroom. The fart that even that uncalled for panic stress is starting to look pretty awesome means maybe it's time for me to get out of town... I image it (the stress that is) as similar to the pleasant stress one feels before going down a roller coaster, of stabbing a hooker on a side street; you know things you do purely for the thrill and nothing else.  

I was handed a vacation. Honestly, I was prepared to watch all of my friends once again fly off to sunny beaches without me (let's face it, I just bought ramen with the change in the bottom of my purse ($0.18 for roasted chicken!), so it's not surprising I was expecting to stay home). But instead, I get to go on a trip too! And not just any trip, but a relatively stress free one! It's an island; I can't get lost, I know how to ask for the bathroom, and it'll be easy to figure out where I'm sleeping because someone has already done it for me!

I leave in exactly one month (or I did when I started writing this) and I'll be honest with you, I've already started packing. 

This is the bestesty best thing every. Ever. 

I'm ready to fly.

If you're interesting in helping with this adventure, I need a ride to the airport at 5 AM on Wed, March 24. I also need to make some spending money so I can complete my goals of hosting an awesome co-ed bachelor/ette party, so I'm hiring myself out to do odd jobs.

Monday, February 22, 2010

Guest Blog: Ryan Meadors

The first in what I hope to be an extensive series of guest blogs by my friends and family comes to you from someone I just met. I've been really lucky to get back in touch with friends from high school. Awesome, I know, right? Audrey is doubly awesome, and I'm totally excited because not only is she back in my friend pool, but she brought her husband with her. Two friends for the price of one if you will. 

Aren't they freakin' cute?!

So when I put out the plea to get people writing guest spots in my blog, I was totally excited that someone let me blackmail them so easily! Here's what Ryan has to say:

Greetings. This is not Laura, as you have just now discovered. My name is Ryan, and at Laura’s request, I am guest-writing a blog for her. When she first asked me to do this, I thought it a strange thing to suggest. It always struck me that your blog is your blog. Even so, as foreign an idea as it was to guest-write a blog, I figured, why the hell not? I don’t really have anything else going on, other than occasionally writing my own blog, and SHAMELESS PLUG APPROACHING RAPIDLY could always use some new readers. So this perhaps could be an opportunity to reach a new audience aside from my friends and my mom.

The only question left then was, what should I write about in this guest spot? My usual fare is a series of rants pertaining to politics and current events, usually with some sort of philosophical bent to them, adhering in some fashion to my ideas about moral relativism and absurdist thought. I have a great love of words and humor and baseball, and a severe dislike of religion, stupidity, and Nickelback. So what does that do for me here? I suppose I could write a bizarre manifesto about a perspicacious pitcher who slings both satire and spitballs in the direction of anyone who chooses to worship either the Church or the Chad (Kroeger, that is). But such a manifesto could be quite lengthy, and probably virtually unreadable.

Instead, picture this: a young man sits in a darkened room. Only his computer monitor provides light, which illuminates the sweat on his brow as he types furiously. The room is not only dark, but dank, and it smells suspiciously of Royal Crown Cola. The young man is dressed as though somebody threw a Dungeons & Dragons board at him and it stuck. This is a young man who has had only one girlfriend in his entire life, and that relationship lasted for only thirteen nonconsecutive days. As we are invisible in this room, we can approach the young man and his computer without being noticed. We draw closer, and the scent of the cola is suddenly eclipsed by overpowering foot odor. Just prior to losing consciousness, we catch a glimpse of the image on the computer screen, what appears to be a group of people dressed as animals…

Fortunately, this is not my story. That is to say, it is not the story of my life. Though it does smell a bit like Royal Crown Cola in here.

* I'm pretty sure he never met Robert, so I'm surprised by the accuracy of this description.

Friday, February 19, 2010

Neighborhood Walk on a Sunny Day











Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Snowed In... At the Laundromat

All this time I've been wasting time and money doing laundry in the basement. If I had only known that there was a laundromat up the street... not just any laundromat... one next to Taco Bell!







Friday, February 12, 2010

Down By the River

I'm pretty sure I worked close to 9 hours today, and yet when I look back at my camera I seem to have spent all my time down by the river.

So, here is a winter's day in our little river town.




Saturday, February 6, 2010

Snow, well sort of.







Friday, February 5, 2010


Need by Carrie Jones.

Yet another book that has been boosted into popularity by the gaping hole left by Twilight and it's incessant rip-offs.

Zara White is dead inside. Every since her father, her step-father really, died she has been stuck in the same loop of terrible despair; none of the things she used to love, running, Amnesty International, learning new phobias can help. Trying to get her to react to anything, Zara's mother sends her to live with her grandmother Betty in Maine (not a single Betty White joke in the whole book!) Zara doesn't know what's worse; the snow, the cold or being sent away. 

A new car and a new school start to perk Zara up, as does the 'hunky' yet mysterious Nick who keeps showing up to help her. But things quickly go from new-school-stressful to down right horrible when Zara notices a dark stranger following her from Charleston to Maine and all around town. A stranger that leaves no footprints and a trail of gold dust behind. At the same time young boys are disappearing one by one from the area. With the help of her quirky new friends and hot new crush, Zara is determined to figure what strange and terrible things are happening in her new small town. Never in a million years would Zara have predicted that their research would lead to the supernatural. Faced with the existence of pixies, weres and other things she's never believed in before, Zara is determined to stop the abductions at all costs.

It was so bad. I supposed if I didn't spend my time being forced to read books like this I could have appreciated it for... something. Instead all I got out of this was that a Twilight fan (one who was angry that Bella didn't end up with Jacob) decided to write their own book. A tall, fast, auburn beauty of a boy; an awkward but independent young girl with flowing dark hair, sent to live in a cold, lonely place; shape-shifters that change on command; a horde of bloodsucking vam... I mean pixies that leave lots of sparkles... Some very strange jokes about Forks... I mean forks, the utensils...You see my point...

At least Twilight had the decency to let the main girl come to terms with every other characters super powers gradually. In Need it went like this: Hey, look there's a strange man following me. Hey other people see him too. My new friend needs to do some research after lunch. After school he tells me I'm being chased by a Pixie King who wants to kiss me and steal my soul. I believe him even though we just met today. Lets go kill some stuff!

The Need website has this advice to remember when dealing with Pixies:

Think pixies are like Tinkerbell? You think wrong.
  1. Pixies do not hang out with Peter Pan.
  2. Pixies do not sleep in glass jars.
  3. Similarly, they do not carry magic wands.
  4. They hate iron and steel.
  5. They will call your name and try to get you lost in the woods.
  6. They are great fighters, using claws and teeth.
  7. They can look like humans. They are not human.
  8. Some may go to your school or work with you. We have no idea.
  9. They have needs.
  10. Never let one kiss you. Ever.

Fed Up Friday: I don't even know any criminals!

This morning, as usual, I was in a huge rush running out the door for work. I wouldn't even have seen the folded paper on the floor of the landing if I hadn't stopped to put on my boots. Since there is always a trail of random things coming out of my door, I wasn't surprised. Grabbed it, stuck it in my bin of stuff for the day.

Luckily, I stopped in the basement to put my rent check (that has been taped to my door all week) into the lock box. Crap. Can't find the check, still have that paper. Open it up.

State of Ohio
Hamilton County 
Subpoena for Witness

Excuse me!?

Crap, still late for work, no time to look at the details... There are no details! Just my address written in by hand!!! Freaking out of course, what the hell could I have witnessed?

You were worried right? On my behalf? Of course you were.
Well, it's ok. Don't be upset.

Apparently being a clerk of courts means you are in no way responsible for making sure the people you are demanding report to court live anywhere close to where you sent their subpoenas. Jack asses.

So now I have to prove that I am not someone who knows anything about armed robbery. To a prosecutor who wont call me back.

Yup, fed-up Friday.

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Wednesday Haiku

It started with a
bang. February that is
That's a lie. It's cold.

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Two'for Tuesday

I broke my favorite eyeshadow. I don't know how I can go on in this cruel, cruel world.