I've been sick for weeks and putting off going to the doctor because I assumed that what was wrong with me was the same thing that's been wrong with me this time of year annul annually since I was 12. Boy was I wrong!!!
I was laying around, unable to sleep, watching a little PBS. It's what I do. NOVA is better than any over the counter sleep aid. Give me some American Experience and a little cuddling and I'm out like a light... But I digress. Key points- can't sleep, watching Globe Trekker.
That jackass Ian Wright was climbing the Himalayas when he actually said something of profound relevance.
Let's recap the symptoms of Acute Mountain Sickness:
The main symptom of elevation sickness is a MASSIVE HEADACHE that isn't helped by analgesics- Check!
When you have one of the following symptoms in combination with that head ache, you're pretty much screwed:
- Lack of appetite, nausea, or vomiting- well nothing sounded good when I was looking for dinner...
- Fatigue or weakness- yes.
- Dizziness or light-headedness- Probably... I don't walk too straight.
- Insomnia- we've already touched on that
- Pins and needles- Yes! Yes, I couldn't feel my feet when I finally stopped kneeling in front of the TV!
- Shortness of breath upon exertion- I don't even need to exert myself, this is totally true!
- Nosebleed- well, I blow my nose so much that my snot is defiantly pink!
- Persistent rapid pulse- Like a little bird.... a caffeinated little bird
- Drowsiness- Duh... I can't sleep, that means I tried to for a reason!
- General malaise- that's like the plague right? I feel like I have the plague...
- Peripheral edema (swelling of hands, feet, and face)- Now that you mention it, my face DOES look kinda fat today!
- Pulmonary edema (fluid in the lungs): Let's look into the symptoms of this... oh yeah, all of those!
- Symptoms similar to bronchitis
- Persistent dry cough
- Shortness of breath even when resting
- Cerebral edema (swelling of the brain): Uh-oh, these don't sound good... is this why I can't walk a straight line?
- Headache that does not respond to analgesics
- Unsteady gait
- Gradual loss of consciousness
- Retinal hemorrhage
So clearly, I am dying of Altitude Sickness. Here, in Ohio, altitude strikes again.
I mean, sure, I could have seasonal allergies, a sever overdose of caffeine and some swelling issues from too much ramen, but I think it TOTALLY makes more sense that I was attacked by a mountain in my sleep last night.
Doctors, who needs them.